McMonday - The Goggles do Nothing!

One long, late night working in the trenches at McDonalds was made even longer by the face that it was extremely quiet. We had just made the transition from closing at midnight to being open 24 hours a day, and most of the customer peon types nearby were still unaware of this fact - which made the late shift quite highly sought after, by combining a lack of effort required to get through the night, as well as extra payment due to being after midnight.

Sweet, sweet time and a half.

However, the quiet shift inevitably made the time feel slower (as it does). It was made to feel even longer by the stupidity of those around me.

At one stage, I had gone to the front counter (no danger of bumping into customers - at that stage we were running the drive through only as our 24 hour option) to grab a drink (while it was quiet, it was still exceedingly warm in the kitchen, since there are grills and toasters everywhere). While I was there, I was stopped by one of the front area serving girls, who wanted to have a little chat with me. Well, I say chat, but I actually mean she wanted to ask me questions while I answered out of politeness. It may sound rude, but I had talked to her at length before, and found that, really, she had the IQ of a peanut. You will come to this realisation in a moment.

So, the usual "When do you finish tonight? When did you start? How's your sister?" (?!?) questions began. Once they were over, she asked me what seemed to be a much more pressing question.

"Why do you wear glasses all the time?"

Prepare to see this image a LOT in the McMonday posts...

I couldn't believe my ears! Here I am at work, speaking to one of the, admittedly not so intellectually inclined people at work. Sure, its McDonalds, and I don't expect people to be super geniuses (I only expect that of myself, and fall quite short), but basic day to day life things like people wearing glasses to bolster poor eyesight is something she should have picked up on in her twenty-something years of existence (she's actually older than me). Whether she learn from school, tv, or just by being around people...

I actually had to explain to her, that I couldn't see very well naturally, and that the devices known as "glasses" allowed me to see as well as normal people. Her follow up question, was much, much more worrying.

"Do you wear them when you go to bed?"

Really? I mean... really?

By this point, I was no longer able to answer her - it was the last thing I had expected. After stumbling over the "Oh shit! I didn't realise people could possibly be this stupid" response that was stuck in my head, I literally couldn't answer her. Another crew member heard this exchange, and jumped in with "Yes, if someone robs him then he needs to be able to identify the burglar". Almost as mind boggling as the question itself!

A lot of the time, when I tell this story, people tell me that I should have said "Yes, so that my dreams are in focus". A missed opportunity, if ever I've seen one.

My glasses are a topic that comes up in casual conversation occasionally. Usually its along the lines of "How much can you see without them? How badly would I see if I looked through them?" and then ends with people trying them on ("I look smart! S-M-R-T! OH CRAP I CAN'T SEE WHAT IS THIS WIZARDRY?!?"), and hurting their eyes because it unfocuses things for them. However, this occurrence stuck in my mind as a shining example of why we really should just remove the warning labels from everything and let Darwinism run its course.